Week 8 - Carl

Carl,

You’ve been dead a year now, and I still miss you. There are days when I feel so strongly that I killed you. Those days are hard. It’s then when I’m reminded of what your girl said to me the day you were inspired to follow me south. About if I help the black men I go south to write about. I never had. Because of that, because of you, I save them now. It started with Alonzo, and every time I’ve gone out since I’ve tried to save them. Do more as incognegro. A bunch of men down south have gotten a chance to try again at some pinktoes thanks to you.

I took Pinch back to Harlem with me. He’s gonna stay up north, where the folks are a little more tame with their hate. He’s a lot like you, both always trying to cheat the line for your income. You’d have gotten along great. He’s making a real identity for himself now, getting into a bunch of shenanigans.

I told your girl what happened to you, how you died brave, a patriot for the negro man. She cried her eyes out over that pretty ring you won her. I took your advice too. I’m both Incognegro and Zane Pinchback, arts columnists. Let’s see if I win any awards for that. I’ll make sure to give you a shout out if I do.

I was thinking about what you said, about how someone can be more than one thing. I think you’re right. Maybe if the whites saw it that way, we’d have some peace. Maybe they will one day, and I can stop pretending to be white and just be my genuine pale, yellow self. Always black, always proud, but no longer passing. Do you think that’s possible? Do you think there could ever be a time where no one cares about it and we’re all just kinda there? I’m not sure I do, but it would be nice for my kids to not need to worry about looking white and feel any guilt for liking how easy it is to pass through life when their black brethren can’t. That’d be a world.

I hope things are good on the other side. Hopefully you’ve got a big audience for your tales. I know how you like that.

Best

Zane/“Incognegro”

Comments

  1. AnonymousMay 22, 2018 at 2:34 PM

    Dear Zane,
    Thanks for writing me, wherever I am. It means the world to me that you still think of me, but I want you to know, that in no way do I blame you for me death. You did the best you could to protect me from racism and white supremacy. I understand the feeling though, sometimes I blame myself for not staying in the shadows and doing that ridiculous British accent, but then I realize that blaming myself is exactly what they want me to do! I will not blame myself for the violence of white supremacy. It wasn't not my fault I wanted rights, that I WANTED TO BE TREATED LIKE A HUMAN BEING.

    I miss my fiance so much and I regret abandoning her. I know she misses me dearly. If only I had treated her with more respect and taken our relationship seriously. Please let her know that I will always love her but I hope that she moves on and finds love.

    Congratulations on getting your arts column. I am so proud that you are finally getting at least some recognition. I know it is hard in Harlem surrounded by so many talented writers to be "Incognegro" and not get the credit you deserve for all the brave work you do. I wish I could have been with you to read it. Maybe in another life.

    Anyways. Best of luck with everything. I miss you and Harlem!

    Love,
    Carl

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